Monday

A few of these blogs will be shorter, because nothing really happened of note, and nothing is really “new” anymore – less excitement = less writing :)

Today came and no kid. In fact, the whole week passed with no opportunity to catch a kid. When they said it was a bad week to shadow – they were right. I should have gone some of the day to shadow in trauma surgery as Kumait suggested…. Oh well. As it was, I still learned a lot and saw enough too. I spent a very long time in the Clinics with Dr. Evelyn, and had the chance to run up to Delivery to see another birth. The mother was supposed to have had an epidural, but she could still feel pain. What was the most odd though is that after the child was born, the mother never looked towards it, never smiled, never showed anything but pain, anger and sadness. The grandmother came in and comforted the daughter but show me anger when she looked at the child, and sadness when she looked at me as well. There was nothing in the history to suggest why they both would seem as if the child was unwanted. It was such a night and day difference from the birth the day before, where, even though there was a LOT of pain – the joy, and the great pleasure the child brought them, made everything worth it. It stunned me for hours actually. I’m still not sure I can rectify what happened in my mind.

Soon the day ended and Kumait came to pick Claire and I up for some shopping at City Center. Trevor went home to sleep, and even turned down going to a carnival. (I was stunned he said no, lol, evidence of our exhaustion perhaps.)

When we came home, I went with Trevor to run the stairs for some exercise. I was already off kilter from the weird birth and exhausted and feeling a little put off about some other gender issues experienced that week… poor Trevor never saw it coming… He took off his shirt because he was hot and it was the perfect catalyst to set me off. I don’t really mind in the States when guys take their shirts off in the heat – yes, it’s wildly unfair even then, because we women can’t without social consequences… but it’s more tolerable to me there because we can do other things there that women here can’t do, and I’m used to it, even as unfair as it is. But here, in Oman, where there is so much gender pressure, it seemed the perfect example to me of “I’m a man so I can do what I want.” And he didn’t understand why I was so mad, and he didn’t want to put it back on. So I left. I stated I wouldn’t run with him if he kept his shirt off and went back to the room. I still wanted to run, but apparently Trevor was done too so he came back – we need to work on our communication…. Lol. And I didn’t go back out to run more because I thought he’d come, still shirtless, and I couldn’t deal with it. It was also a symptom of being with people all the time. Social as I am, I need alone time, badly. So, with an apology to Trevor, a conversation to make peace and shed light and understanding, Claire lent me her iPod and I went to bed, allowing the music to give me enough alone time to really hit the restart button. I tell this story in part because, even as I knew that gender issues were important to me, I never really realized how much, nor how much they affected me. It’s also interesting how something so simple, and done without malice or intent could trigger a storm of emotion and feelings of inequity. Trevor never meant “I’m a man so I can do what I want,” he thought “holy crap it’s hot in this desert, in this stairwell, without AC.” And did what he’d do in the States to cool down. And I don’t think I really thought about taking off a shirt as a gendered thing, but it really is. Why is it fair in the US for guys to do that at all? Here, women wear two dresses, and a head scarf, for various religious and cultural reasons – in 123*F heat. And they don’t complain. Yes, traditionally, the guys have long outfits too, but in recent years, they wear short and short sleeves. And they can take off their shirts at the beach and get in the water etc, etc. It probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to most, but I think it is to me… I’m not sure how this will change my behavior in the future either – will I ask the guys I’m with to always keep their shirts on when they’re hot for the sake of equity? Perhaps… We shall see if anything changes. But, especially in this state of hyperawareness, it’ll be interested to come back home and see if I get triggered by gender inequality even in the States.