So much of medical school is determined by your force of will. It turns out, I think most of LIFE is too. Here, your will is tested to see how long you can sit in one chair, in one room, studying one subject. Your will is tested to see how you manage the stress of "finals week" constitutively (a word I learned this week meaning "constantly"). You will is tested to see if you will actually work out or instead opt for those tastey cookie bars you bought at you Kroger binge session. You'll work out tomorrow, right?
Stay in, go out. Play sports, study more. Eat this, not that. Sleep at night, or nap all day, or never sleep. Your decisions here determine your success in school, but more than that... in life.
I've been blessed (or cursed) with severe stubbornness. I decide something, and I pretty much accomplish it, even if my heels are still dragging behind me. I sit in a chair and I do what needs to be done. And I anticipate that the sacrifice I put in will douse me in success when the time is right.
What is KEY about will, determination and stubbornness, is being decisive and assured that your decision is correct, good or helpful. There are poor decisions, poor balances, and poor ideas that move into poor behaviors. Studying is great and all, but there are people to bless and allow to bless you. Sitting in a chair is great (not), but exercise is so key for maintaining physical and MENTAL health. Life is not all work, life should not be all play, and we have to decide what our end goal is in order to set our will to that place and acheive our goals.
My goal is to live life, have a blast and succeed in medical school. I want to love others, make friendships, heal people and work hard. And I want to be in the world, but so wrapped up in my sweet Jesus that I breath, move, love, and hurt with him. Alhough many these things may seem to contradict, they are precisely what makes up the colorful mosaic of the human existance. Life is rarely black and white. Life is a gorgeous grey-scale picture, like a black and white photo, there are some true colors, but the majority is a stunning gradient of complex shades. Sometimes this leniency can create difficulty in decisions - but it also provides us choice, the freedom to fail and the opportunity to take the time, make decisions create an incredible mural as we meander through our journey.
My brain is broken and my eyes ache, I'm on my 16th (ish) hour of studying. With a break for working out, a break for (an insanely irritating) printer purchase and a wonderful laughing session with my roommate, today was a tough day. But here we are. I made it through what I needed to do, and now it's time for sleep. Sunday, Hallelujah. I'm glad to see you.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Cells Tissues and Organ Systems
HA! Take that notes! I may still be behind, but I am less behind than I was! (I think).
Regardless, I worked hard, sat my butt down, and did the work. And it sort of feels good except for the dull thud of my brain pulsing in apathetic fatigue. silly brain.
Things I have learned this year:
1) don't put off new years resolutions. its stressful.
2) don't make more than 7.
3) start each resolution with "I want ____, so I will ____" and keep them positive, love yourself through your resolutions.
4) never be so afraid and bitter about a task that you ignore it by adrenaline-inducing televisions shows. it was fun for the hour, but before and after, the stress is tremendous.
5) suck it up. life is NOT fair or fun all the time. do what needs to be done, and get over yourself. people have done more, worked harder and suffered more with a better attitude.
6) breathing deeply and exhaling fully is wonderful.
7) people of Ohio really do complain about everything about the weather. I saw the sun AGAIN today... granted, it wasn't all day, but come on, it's not THAT bad.
8) 5 inches of snow does not give you permission to panic or to drive like a manic (or an incompetent turtle), consider taking classes to learn that snow isn't dangerous, crazy drivers like yourself are.
9) buy cheap things that make you happy sometimes: a snake and a fox ring for me!
10) don't fear change, grieve the loss, then face the sun. find the good in all life altering things
11) after sitting for hours, you begin to go crazy, feel free to unleash your inner martial artist, push up prince or jumping jack champion - don't worry the neighbors are entertained.
12) I am OCD and couldn't end before the number 12. So there.
That is all. Huzzah for the medical life!
Regardless, I worked hard, sat my butt down, and did the work. And it sort of feels good except for the dull thud of my brain pulsing in apathetic fatigue. silly brain.
Things I have learned this year:
1) don't put off new years resolutions. its stressful.
2) don't make more than 7.
3) start each resolution with "I want ____, so I will ____" and keep them positive, love yourself through your resolutions.
4) never be so afraid and bitter about a task that you ignore it by adrenaline-inducing televisions shows. it was fun for the hour, but before and after, the stress is tremendous.
5) suck it up. life is NOT fair or fun all the time. do what needs to be done, and get over yourself. people have done more, worked harder and suffered more with a better attitude.
6) breathing deeply and exhaling fully is wonderful.
7) people of Ohio really do complain about everything about the weather. I saw the sun AGAIN today... granted, it wasn't all day, but come on, it's not THAT bad.
8) 5 inches of snow does not give you permission to panic or to drive like a manic (or an incompetent turtle), consider taking classes to learn that snow isn't dangerous, crazy drivers like yourself are.
9) buy cheap things that make you happy sometimes: a snake and a fox ring for me!
10) don't fear change, grieve the loss, then face the sun. find the good in all life altering things
11) after sitting for hours, you begin to go crazy, feel free to unleash your inner martial artist, push up prince or jumping jack champion - don't worry the neighbors are entertained.
12) I am OCD and couldn't end before the number 12. So there.
That is all. Huzzah for the medical life!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Day 2
Well, fine, so it's not day 2 of medical school, but it is day two of this blog, and that is a significant day. It means that I am here again, posting my thoughts in the little time I allot for this.
Studying was better today (in that I sat down and did it consistantly) but I only had 3 hours of real study time, which is not enough to keep up at all. I cut down some of the work, but I'm still so very, very behind. I think I need a new game plan. Shorter notes, faster working, more direct focus on the important things, avoid redundancy (haha, not with this teacher), and maybe do THAT DAY's work, and try to catch up the "old stuff" this Friday. yeah... right. I'm supposed to be studying this weekend, not catching up on the week's work! The test is on tuesday, so thank heavens I have monday to study for. (Thank heavens for MLK, not only a good man, but his memory may just save my butt for this test.)
I learned a lot of biostatistics and physiology today, which was a good thing. I really did need the help. Turns out, my math-brain is something akin to jello... It makes learning it rough, for sure. But I feel better, and we might just get this math stuff down yet.
In health news, still struggling with nausea and severe fatigue every morning. Last two nights I've been waking up frequently, sometimes sweating, sometimes freezing, sometimes I wake up and I start praying (where I left off, as it seems I drifted before the big "AMEN") and sometimes from a dream. Thankfully, no real nightmares to speak of, so that's been a blessing.
This week, went through a giddy, "Let's freaking get married now" to a sobering "Nope, not now" stage. So that was fun. Presently, I'm considering things I want to see in our relationship, which is wonderful and good, but I might be leaning towards negative, unconstructive thinking, must modify!! Also must call the man now.
Pray for a daunting schedule, a run-down (unfocused) girl, and for sleep, wellness and peace about the upcoming test.
Studying was better today (in that I sat down and did it consistantly) but I only had 3 hours of real study time, which is not enough to keep up at all. I cut down some of the work, but I'm still so very, very behind. I think I need a new game plan. Shorter notes, faster working, more direct focus on the important things, avoid redundancy (haha, not with this teacher), and maybe do THAT DAY's work, and try to catch up the "old stuff" this Friday. yeah... right. I'm supposed to be studying this weekend, not catching up on the week's work! The test is on tuesday, so thank heavens I have monday to study for. (Thank heavens for MLK, not only a good man, but his memory may just save my butt for this test.)
I learned a lot of biostatistics and physiology today, which was a good thing. I really did need the help. Turns out, my math-brain is something akin to jello... It makes learning it rough, for sure. But I feel better, and we might just get this math stuff down yet.
In health news, still struggling with nausea and severe fatigue every morning. Last two nights I've been waking up frequently, sometimes sweating, sometimes freezing, sometimes I wake up and I start praying (where I left off, as it seems I drifted before the big "AMEN") and sometimes from a dream. Thankfully, no real nightmares to speak of, so that's been a blessing.
This week, went through a giddy, "Let's freaking get married now" to a sobering "Nope, not now" stage. So that was fun. Presently, I'm considering things I want to see in our relationship, which is wonderful and good, but I might be leaning towards negative, unconstructive thinking, must modify!! Also must call the man now.
Pray for a daunting schedule, a run-down (unfocused) girl, and for sleep, wellness and peace about the upcoming test.
Monday, January 10, 2011
First Post
Greetings! My first year of medical school is half done, and I am officially 1/8th of a doctor. Unfortunately, that still means I have 7/8ths left to go... and right now, I'm feeling very strongly, that that will feel like forever. At least, looking at the work I have to do tomorrow alone and the very little time I have to do it in... I'm nearly dreading the work.
Medical school is a tricky beast. Some days you love it: the people, the learning, the patients. Some days you are so desperately lonely from the isolation, some days so in pain from the sitting and sitting and sitting and some days so overwhelmed by the next 3 months that you forget about the good things of today.
The delicate and fragile balance of school life and social life is so easily tipped.
But as it is. God is good.
Medical school is a tricky beast. Some days you love it: the people, the learning, the patients. Some days you are so desperately lonely from the isolation, some days so in pain from the sitting and sitting and sitting and some days so overwhelmed by the next 3 months that you forget about the good things of today.
The delicate and fragile balance of school life and social life is so easily tipped.
But as it is. God is good.
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