A matter of will

So much of medical school is determined by your force of will. It turns out, I think most of LIFE is too. Here, your will is tested to see how long you can sit in one chair, in one room, studying one subject. Your will is tested to see how you manage the stress of "finals week" constitutively (a word I learned this week meaning "constantly"). You will is tested to see if you will actually work out or instead opt for those tastey cookie bars you bought at you Kroger binge session. You'll work out tomorrow, right?

Stay in, go out. Play sports, study more. Eat this, not that. Sleep at night, or nap all day, or never sleep. Your decisions here determine your success in school, but more than that... in life.

I've been blessed (or cursed) with severe stubbornness. I decide something, and I pretty much accomplish it, even if my heels are still dragging behind me. I sit in a chair and I do what needs to be done. And I anticipate that the sacrifice I put in will douse me in success when the time is right.

What is KEY about will, determination and stubbornness, is being decisive and assured that your decision is correct, good or helpful. There are poor decisions, poor balances, and poor ideas that move into poor behaviors. Studying is great and all, but there are people to bless and allow to bless you. Sitting in a chair is great (not), but exercise is so key for maintaining physical and MENTAL health. Life is not all work, life should not be all play, and we have to decide what our end goal is in order to set our will to that place and acheive our goals.

My goal is to live life, have a blast and succeed in medical school. I want to love others, make friendships, heal people and work hard. And I want to be in the world, but so wrapped up in my sweet Jesus that I breath, move, love, and hurt with him. Alhough many these things may seem to contradict, they are precisely what makes up the colorful mosaic of the human existance. Life is rarely black and white. Life is a gorgeous grey-scale picture, like a black and white photo, there are some true colors, but the majority is a stunning gradient of complex shades. Sometimes this leniency can create difficulty in decisions - but it also provides us choice, the freedom to fail and the opportunity to take the time, make decisions create an incredible mural as we meander through our journey.


My brain is broken and my eyes ache, I'm on my 16th (ish) hour of studying. With a break for working out, a break for (an insanely irritating) printer purchase and a wonderful laughing session with my roommate, today was a tough day. But here we are. I made it through what I needed to do, and now it's time for sleep. Sunday, Hallelujah. I'm glad to see you.